The Reality of Self-Doubt: A Story of Unlearning and Growth
There's a particular kind of irony in writing about self-doubt. Even as I type these words, a familiar voice whispers, "Who are you to talk about this?" It's the same voice that's followed me from Zimbabwe to the UK, through multiple businesses, through war, through every restart and pivot. And perhaps that's exactly why I should be writing this.
Let me paint you a picture: I'm four years old, arriving in the UK as an asylum seeker. Fast forward through years of building businesses (started my first one at 16, restyling clothes because no one would hire me), launching a viral lingerie brand at 19, surviving war in Ukraine, speaking at the UN, and building a brand strategy business. Impressive on paper, right?
But here's what you don't see in that highlight reel: the countless nights spent questioning every decision, the paralyzing fear of making another mistake, the constant feeling that success was somehow a fluke that would eventually be exposed.
The Truth About Self-Doubt
We often talk about self-doubt as something to overcome, to push past, to defeat. But what if we're thinking about it all wrong?
Through my journey - from that teenage entrepreneur to a UN speaker to starting over after war - I've learned something crucial: Self-doubt isn't always the enemy. Sometimes it's just a sign that you're pushing boundaries, trying something new, caring deeply about the outcome.
The real work isn't in eliminating self-doubt. It's in learning to work with it.
What's Actually Working
After years of trial and error, therapy, and honest conversations with myself, here's what's actually helping:
1. Having Full-On Arguments with Your Inner Critic
Yes, I literally debate with my negative thoughts. When that voice says, "You're not qualified enough," I ask, "Based on what evidence?" When it says, "Everyone else has it figured out," I counter with, "How do you know that?"
It might sound strange, but treating these thoughts as hypotheses rather than facts changes everything. You start to see how many of them are just fear dressed up as wisdom.
2. Building a Truth-Telling Circle
The game-changer wasn't finding cheerleaders. It was finding truth-tellers - people who:
See your potential clearly
Call you higher, not down
Celebrate progress, not just outcomes
Give feedback, not just praise
These people exist, but you have to be brave enough to let them in. And sometimes, you have to let go of relationships that keep you small to make room for them.
3. Digital Space Detox
Here's something they don't tell you in business school: Most content is strategically designed to make you feel insufficient. That's literally Marketing 101 (and yes, the irony of me being a brand strategist saying this isn't lost on me).
My rule now? If it doesn't contribute to my growth or peace, it gets muted. Even if it's "industry standard" content. Even if it's someone everyone else follows. Your mental health is more important than staying updated on every industry trend.
4. Professional Support
Let's normalize talking about therapy as professional development. Having someone help you untangle thought patterns that are holding you back isn't just self-care - it's strategic investment in your future.
5. Documentation Practice
Keep receipts on your growth:
Screenshot positive feedback
Journal your wins (especially the small ones)
Record lessons learned
Track progress markers
Future you will need these on hard days. Trust me on this one.
6. Timeline Reconstruction
There's no universal timeline for success. The person you're comparing yourself to? They're not your benchmark. They're living a completely different story with different circumstances, different support systems, different challenges.
Your pace is your pace. Full stop.
7. Celebration Revision
I used to hit goals and immediately move the goalposts. Now? Setting a boundary is a win. Sending that scary email is a win. Starting over is a win.
The Bigger Truth
Here's what I know for sure: You can be both ambitious and gentle with yourself. You can have big dreams and take small steps. You can be a work in progress and still be worthy of success.
Your path doesn't have to look like anyone else's to be valid. And that voice of self-doubt? Maybe it's not trying to stop you. Maybe it's just asking you to be thoughtful, to be prepared, to be real.
The goal isn't to silence it completely. The goal is to learn to work with it, to understand it, to use it as data rather than direction.
Moving Forward
If you're in that space of questioning everything, know this: You're not alone. Your dreams aren't too big. Your path isn't wrong just because it's different.
Take up space. Make mistakes. Start over if you need to. Keep going.
Because here's the thing about self-doubt: It's not a sign that you're doing something wrong. Often, it's a sign that you're doing something brave.
And brave is always the right direction.
Want to continue this conversation? Find me on [social platform] where I share more insights about business, growth, and the messy middle of building something meaningful.
